Why Mixing Teens and Kids in Sunday School Is Driving Your Youth Away — And What Pastors MUST Start Doing Immediately
Let’s talk honestly — because churches can’t afford to gloss over this anymore.
Recently, I had a conversation with a 19-year-old who visited a church and was asked to check off which age group fit her best. Technically she belonged in the “18–35” bracket, but she said something that stopped me cold:
“I can’t relate to 30-year-olds… but I definitely don’t belong with the little kids either.”
And she’s right.
Teens are in a delicate transition zone — not kids, not adults, but their own category with their own needs, pressures, and identity struggles.
And yet, I have seen church after church lump teens together with children in the same room… sometimes in classrooms filled with kindergarten toys.
You should see the look on a teen’s face when they walk into a space decorated with ABC charts and plastic dinosaurs:
“I’m not a kid.”
Right there, you’ve lost them.
They disconnect. They shut down. And let me say this loudly for the people in the back:
Teens are not coming back to environments that make them feel small, invisible, or out of place. Yes, I said it. And yes — they will build a case in their minds, stack up emotional evidence, and present it to their parents… and guess what?
Parents will listen. SMH.
Why Mixing Kids and Teens Hurts Your Church
Here are more reasons this practice is hurting your ministry:
Teens need identity development — not regression.
They are forming adult identities. When the environment screams “you’re still a child,” they feel disrespected and pushed backward.
Kids require simplicity; teens crave depth.
You cannot effectively reach two cognitive levels at the same time.
Teens need privacy and emotional safety.
They won’t open up spiritually or emotionally with children present.
Kids idolize teens, but teens feel pressured around kids.
Teens often shrink back instead of expressing themselves.
The environment speaks louder than your lesson.
A kiddie room tells a teen they weren’t considered.
Poor logistics lead to poor retention.
Teens are quick to interpret limited space as limited value.
Once a teen decides a church is not for them, they rarely revisit the idea. Their exit is emotional, not logistical.
If You Must Keep Them Together
Because sometimes space is limited. I understand that.
But if teens and kids must share a room:
Assign teens as assistants or junior leaders.
- Do not seat them beside six-year-olds.
- Cover the kiddie toys to neutralize the room visually.
- Group by grade level, not by age.
- Even experienced teachers struggle reaching both groups at once — and I say this as someone who has done it for years. It is not the ideal model.
A Word to Senior Pastors
This part is critical.
Do not ignore teens and kids during the main service and assume they’re “fine.” They’re not. If you want them to feel included:
Engage them intentionally at least two times during your message.
Ways to do that:
Address them directly.
- Use illustrations from their world.
- Give them actionable takeaways.
- Acknowledge or celebrate them publicly.
- When the senior pastor sees them, the church sees them. And when the church sees them, they stay.
Final Word: If You Lose Your Teens, You Lose Your Future
Teens are watching everything. They’re evaluating:
Do you value them?
Do you plan for them?
Do you notice them?
Do you create space — literally and emotionally — for them?
If the answer feels like “no,” they will quietly leave. And once they’re gone, it’s extremely hard to win them back.
But if you honor them, engage them, and create environments where they feel respected?
They won’t just stay — they’ll thrive, serve, and eventually lead.
If this message stirred something in you, it’s time to act. Click Here to Book your YMC Compass Session and get your free custom handbook.
or email noyouthochurch@abaministries.com to be notified about the The Teen Retention Lab in 2026. This masterclass is where Youth Leaders Learn What Really Works to Keep Teens in Church
or click here to download the OTL aka On Their Level masterclass with free workbook. Imagine a world of students growing up not understanding or learning morals and the basics of life. Many times it's the teachers, preachers, and instructors standing between the content and the students. What do I mean? A teacher that is not able to connect with students is like a fisherman fishing without bait.
Whether live or virtual, the message, values and training you convey should be on their level.
OTL is a training that will share practical tools and insight on how to engage the next generation. Alphaeus has invented the word ‘enter-train’ to explain the process.
